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From Stepmom to Grandmom
I became a grandmother last week when my stepdaughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Including having my own children, it was one of the happiest days of my life. I think about my granddaughter all the time and can’t wait for the next time I see her. It’s been 48 hours and I’m eager to hold her again. I’m in love!
Like many stepmoms, I’ve had my issues and difficulties with that role. Where do I fit in? Do I matter? Am I doing too much? Too little? Where are instructions on how to be a good stepmom? I’ve felt discouraged many times trying to figure it all out.
Since Lilly’s birth, however, a new thought came to me. Maybe step mothering isn’t so unclear after all. I think after all this struggle; I’m seeing that my role is to bridge a gap towards stronger family ties. My stepdaughter introduces me as her stepmom, which I am and I’m proud to be. But when she introduces my son and daughter, she says, “brother” and “sister” and they call her “sister”, too. The kids eliminate the “step.” They see each other as true brother and sisters. That’s a step towards greater closeness as a family. Now, my granddaughter will call me grandmamma, not “step-grandmama.” There is nothing wrong at all with the word “step”, but once it’s dropped, relationships are more clearly defined and solid, long-lasting bonds can form.
So if any of you are in a stepfamily, especially stepmoms, remember that you do have a place. You belong to your family and they need you. You play a significant part in that family. It may not be as clear today as it may be in the years to come, or you may not feel as needed as you’d like, but I wonder if you give it time, if your place will become more clear and important to you and to your family.
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Thank you. I have been juggling this. My situation is a little tougher. The Biological mother doesn’t want me around the baby and my husband to be isn’t comfortable with she and I being around each other. I do not understand but I feel if I keep being me and keep trusting God, by the time our wedding day comes, everything will work itself out. I would think she would understand since her and her husband are happy. Why would she make it difficult for us? I love my fiancée but I cannot imagine living with these conditions and limitations for life. Thanks again.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. My step daughter is 18. You’re story meant a lot to me.
Thank you for the story. I am in the same exact situation…..This story really made alot of sense the way you say it……Thank you……
How wonderful to have stumbled upon your post! It’s true, we have a place in the lives of our blended family. It may take time (and much heartache) for that place to gain clear definition. In my case, my stepdaughter’s son became the glue between us. When I held him as an infant barely eight hours old, all my woundedness melted away, and he became a “real” grandson, and I a “real” grandma. While I have always loved my two stepdaughters with my actions as I raised them during our 24 years of marriage, I find that now, that love is unquestioned, accepted and validated. It was all God’s doing!