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A child is born . . . and one is taken
“For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
These words from Isaiah 9:6 are often quoted during the Christmas season. They are the words that the prophet penned some 700 years before the birth of Jesus. They foretold of his arrival on planet earth as a baby boy who would “save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21). The irony of the silent night invasion of God into the world of mankind in the form of a helpless infant is almost as laughable as it is profound. The Ultimate Gift from God slipped almost totally unnoticed into our world under cover of darkness with the weight of mankind’s redemption riding on his shoulders. Unbelievable!
Most children burst into our lives with much celebration and fanfare from parents and extended family. Tons of preparation takes place in anticipation of the new arrival. Parents prepare the nursery, buy clothes, paint rooms, stock up on diapers, and much more. However, no one is ever prepared to lose a child. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare. Unthinkable!
Parents are not suppose to bury their children. Children are suppose to bury their parents. That’s what we expect. It’s the natural progression of things. And while it deeply hurts to lose a beloved parent, it is expected that they will precede us in death. But to lose a child, is devastating.
And walking through those first holidays after the death of a child feels impossible. Unbearable!
I sat for an hour at a local restaurant last Friday with a courageous young couple who last year lost their precious son after a 2 year heroic battle with cancer. Braeden was 3. Christmas 2009 was awful for Kevin and Dawn. They were invited to many holiday celebrations, but it felt like no one knew what to do with them. They didn’t know what to do with themselves. Uncomfortable! Lonely!
Everyone invited them to holiday celebrations, but no one even mentioned Braeden. They had the sense that after eight months, they should be over it and everything should be back to normal. They wanted to scream. Usually they didn’t. They just felt numb.
This year is different for them. Life is far from normal. It will never be the same. It can’t be. Braeden isn’t here. And while the invitations still come, this year they would prefer to avoid the discomfort and simply have a quiet family celebration at home with their other 3 children. But both of them teared up when talking about their precious “Bub.” They should. This is their son.
When I asked them what they would want from others during this holiday season, Dawn responded almost reflexively, “Say his name.” She continued, “We love Braeden. Say his name. You won’t remind us that we’ve lost him for now. We are reminded of his painful absence everyday. You are not going to bring us pain when you say his name. We love him. We’ll never forget him. And we don’t want others to forget him either.”
She added, “Tell us what you remember about him. Tell us a story or your favorite memory. Kevin’s cousin shared a story about Braeden at his celebration of life service that I had never heard before because I wasn’t there to witness it. What a gift!”
So, remember: grief doesn’t take a holiday over the holidays. In fact it can intensify for many. Sit in on our discussion about dealing with grief and loss over the holidays, and then share with us your story.
And, if you have friends or family members who are grieving the loss of a child, don’t expect them to be over it, even if its been a couple of years. Don’t avoid them. Step towards them and say the name of their child. Share a memory with them about their son or daughter. It just might be the most treasured gift that they will receive this Christmas . . . and the most priceless that you can give.
For more on Braeden Burgess and his heroic family, check out Dawn’s blog: Through This Valley. Merry Christmas Braeden. 
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Thanks Tim! Thank you for the opportunity to share our hearts with you!
I was the one honored to share your story of grief and joy. Thank you.
[...] the past year, you may remember Kevin and Dawn. I featured them in my December 22, 2010 blog, A child is born . . . and one is taken. What a privilege to be with this amazing [...]