So what is the best approach to a relational conflict? Is it is wise to figure out what to do first, and then think about why we responded that way later? Or is it better to first do the work of considering if we are at a good place or not, and then decide how to respond?

While it is not our tendency (it’s certainly not mine), I would suggest that the latter is better than the former.

Ideally, it’s best to first carefully think about where we are at in our hearts before we act. Are we in a self-absorbed place, only thinking of what’s important to us? Are we in place where we consider ourselves as a non-person, diminishing what is important to us?  Or are we at a mutually considerate place where we are striving to consider what’s important to us and what’s important to the person we are in conflict with?

In a self-absorbed place, we are likely to be bound by our prejudices, respond defensively, and paint the other person as the bad guy. Hmmm…that sounds vaguely familiar to the current lockout between the owners and the players in the National Football League.

In a non-person place, we are tend to be bound by fear, avoid dealing with problems, enable toxic behavior, and feel responsible for the other person’s unhappiness.

In a mutually considerate place, we are freed from our prejudices and fears and able to see more clearly where mercy and justice are called for on both sides of a conflict.

In the midst of relational tensions, resist the tendency to “put the cart before the horse.” Whatever we decide to do,  let’s think about where we are at inside and do business with that  first, so we can respond from the best place.

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One Response to “Putting the Cart before the Horse…Acting before Thinking”

1. Mirjana says:

   April 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

   Sometimes the best approach to relational conflict is, silence (with respectful daily greetings). Specially if other person constantly provoke you, ridicule and mock you and your chosen biblical principles for life.
   And, God s Word is the only support you can get. And Jesus is the only safe person you can talk to.