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Distracted much?
Many children are labeled as lazy and disobedient. They don’t listen, follow directions, or seem to care about schoolwork or chores at home. Sometimes they seem like they’re in a different world. Some children that fit this description will go on to overcome these labels, but others will turn to alcohol or drugs or something else to either numb the pain they feel inside or find that stimulation they crave.
Some of these children have Attention Deficit disorder or ADD/ADHD. It’s a term that describes a child who has a difficult time focusing, listening, reading, sitting still, following directions. Often, they have been labeled with pejorative words. But it’s unfortunate because these children have gifts that enable them to see “outside the box.” They are sometimes brilliant, sometimes average, but they all have the ability to see the world not only in color, they see in “techno-color.” They hear in “high definition” all the time. Their minds are on the go and what comes out as a frustration for parents and teachers (not listening, following directions, etc) are really their minds trying to sort out everything they’re thinking. To a child or an adult with ADHD, “now” is the only time frame they know.
Often we give someone a moral diagnosis (i.e. lazy, bad, etc.) and what they really need is a medical diagnosis. Yelling at a child with severe ADHD to settle down and read for 30 minutes most likely won’t be effective in getting that child to comply. Often, though, it increases a child’s self-doubt and shame, like “What’s wrong with me? Why is the teacher or my parents always yelling at me?” What can help is a proper diagnosis by a qualified professional so that he can learn better ways to build healthy relationships, discover his gifts and talents for the right job or career path, and live a more peaceful life. A moral diagnosis says, “If he’d only stop!” But a medical diagnosis asks, “How can I help?”
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Oh how this happens! Our son has sensory processing disorder and continues to show signs of being mildly autistic. We’ve been asked to leave churches because of his behaviors and our non-traditional response to them, even as a toddler.
Jesus, who took on flesh in part so He could advocate for His people from personal experience (Heb 2:18), looks on our son and our situation differently. He made our son to be the young man that he is. He wants His church to accept people where they are. If we were loved by the church in the same manner as Jesus, oh how sweet the comfort!
Unfortunately, having a somewhat unrulely boy due to his disorder is typically labeled us as bad parents and our son as a bad boy.
It would be wonderful to be good enough to attend regular worship again…
me too ..
In the current structured church, your son’s behavior is not accepted. It doesn’t fit the need for the church to look acceptable and be right about all they do.
After all, “looking good” is everything, and his behavior probably just doesn’t look good enough for him or you to qualify as a pew sitting, and even tithe contributing member.
This IS NOT from God our Father, who accepts each person, not on the basis of performance, but on the basis of just being. Hopefully you are not accepting and rejecting your child on the basis of performance. After all is said and done, he is your flesh and blood, and that says something more than just measuring up to someone else’s expectation or opinion of what looks good, or even what is holy.
That is Father’s business.
If you really want to worship Father, be looking to find people who are likeminded about your situation, AND who are faithful to Him, meaning they will tell you the truth in love, not just put up with behavior so as not to offend you.
Much grace to you.
HiltonT
Thanks, HiltonT. He is my son and more important to me than sitting in any pew. We found that your description of the church to be spot on…looking good is the most important part.
We’ll keep looking quietly and slowly. We don’t want to be humored, and we don’t want to have to all but fight our way into the door.
Aren’t there churches out there that love special needs children? We’ve heard rumors…
God is looking out for these kind of situations.
Perhaps if you tell the Occpational thearpist about these issues it can be worked out usually music is soothing to them, but if not try a set of earphones over his ears to drown out some of the noise.
My son is ADHD with EBD and we as parents have to be the #1 advocate for our children that’s why God choose us to be there parents. God will never give you more than you can handle.
As a mother of 8 children between the ages of 6 and 31, 4 with behavioral issues I would like to comment on Scott’s dilemma. When it comes to attending any function, including worship, I have prayerfully come to realize that there are a number of things that come into play. The “NEED” for myself, my children, AND others around me to participate in said function is first and foremost. Finding a solution to this “need” can be challenging. When it comes to worship I have at times recognized MY need to hear the word of God and to be taught, so I left my child or children in the nursery, or even with a babysitter. Other times as my child or children grew older I have recognized THEIR need, and have taken them but sat near an exit, and when things got over-whelming for them, I took a quick step out to help them recollect, then returning. Sometimes I have had to “exit stage left” many times during a service. Finally I have recognized the need for OTHERS around me to hear God’s word, and to worship, and I do my best to allow this by moving my child around , often in the back, so as to prevent distraction etc. I have brought quiet toys, books, snacks etc and I have cleaned up afterwards too. I have on occasion met people who are rude and “self” focused. They act as if “They” are the only ones who have a right to be there. I offer a prayer to God to forgive them for they “know not” what they are doing. (Obviously missing an opportunity for grace given in reward for working a few of the virtues!) Most of the time (thankfully) when others see I am trying to serve ALL involved, I am treated lovingly and with respect. Now if after trying to serve the needs of ALL, I were to be asked to leave by my pastor (because of my disruptive little ones). I would politely remind that pastor that Jesus said to “suffer the little children” etc. Then I would probably find another church, and pray for that pastor, and congregation and their “blindness”. God Bless you Scott, (and others) who have suffered for doing what is right. There is much stored up in Heaven for your love and bravery! Theresa
Scott, do a Google search for an organization called Nathan’s Hope. They have churches around the country that offer Buddy Break, which is a free babysitting service to kids with special needs AND their siblings, one night a month, so that their parents can get a break. We take our son with ADHD and his two brothers to it in our area. If a church offers this service, they are much more likely to be accepting of special needs kids. Much love to you and your family. God bless.