Are you a demanding? Do you have any demanding people in your life? Underlying the struggles in most relationships is a vein of demandingness that erodes the potential for love and justifies all the hurtful things we do to each other.

All of us, if we’re honest, struggle with being demanding at times–and probably more times than we care to admit. Of course it’s not all the time. But we sure are some of the time.

When?

Well, it’s when we revert to the 2-year-old-temper-tantrum mode that sounds something like this: “I want what I want when I want it and you had better do all you can to comply with my demands or else!” The Apostle James accurately describes it in James 4:1-3.

Okay, who among us hasn’t witnessed a young parent held hostage in the isle of a grocery store or better yet, a toy store, where their darling child has just backed them against the ropes with a not so subtle demand for a certain sugary treat or toy? You know what I mean? Transport that image a few decades later and you’ll better understand what lies beneath much of the turmoil in adult relationships.

Bottom line, what is at the heart of this little child’s (and your and my) demandingness? It’s a total absorption with self to the exclusion of any concern for what others may desire or need. Mommy doesn’t matter to the child in the isle. It’s the cookie or toy that matters most at that moment. Yes, it’s immature. It’s me-focused and it’s where we all start.

Distill adult demandingness (some call it entitlement) down to it’s core and you discover this same foolish belief: “I deserve and must find a way to make my life work on my terms apart from the God I neither trust, believe in or depend on to take care of me.” Do you hear all the first person pronouns in that statement? It’s all about “me!” It’s the core narcissism woven into the fallen fabric of our DNA at birth that inevitably it leads to self-destruction and the destruction of all meaningful relationships.

So, are you demanding? Do you see it? Take a closer look. Listen. What you discover might surprise and disturb you. But don’t let that stop you. Becoming aware is the first step in making a meaningful change in your life.

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3 Responses to “Demandingness (Part 1)”

1. M. Jones says:

   January 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

   Yes
   Thank you Tim Jackson

   Lace that with “blame” and you have every human being.

   Also interesting is we are all born through blood, enter with the breath of life to live, and have basic needs to be met……
   body, mind, spirit.

   God is so amazing……….Abba, Father, we are just sheep in need of Our Shepherd……baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
2. Demandingness (Part 2) | Help For My Life says:

   January 27, 2012 at 11:10 am

   [...] so if you read my previous post (Demandingness Part 1), maybe you’ve had time to reflect on how your inborn demandingness shows up in your life. I [...]
3. Jenny says:

   January 28, 2012 at 3:49 am

   Wow! So much of what you write is so hard for people to hear. Thanks for writing it anyway, because I needed to hear most of it. I’ve been very demanding. I’m changing the way I communicate & relate to family, God, & people in general. Philippians 4:4-9 seems like a good place to start. What do you think?