Laughter and humor are an important part of life. The book of Proverbs says “a cheerful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). Generally speaking, all of us could use more laughter in our lives.

Certainly there’s a time for laughter, but we sometimes use humor to hide.

Sometimes laughter or making a joke is part of a cover-up. We can joke around as a way to hide from others so they won’t take us seriously. Many of us have learned to play the clown and hide a lot of deep heartache behind our humor or wit.

While it’s true that “a cheerful heart is good medicine,” the book of Proverbs also says, “Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains” (Proverbs 14:13).

Although laughter can mask the pain, it eventually wears off. The pain is still there, and the most healthy thing we can do is acknowledge it to ourselves, to others and to God.

Are you hiding some pain behind humor? Perhaps it’s time to turn your laughter into mourning (Ecclesiastes 7:3-4) and allow others and God to get close enough to carry your burden and comfort your heart.

Anger can be a legitimate and healthy emotion. The apostle Paul speaks of a righteous anger: “Be angry, and yet do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26 NASB).

For some of us, however, anger is the only emotion we let ourselves deeply feel and express.

Why is that?

For many people, it stems from past experiences where emotions like sadness and fear were downplayed or ignored or even outright discouraged. As a result, many of us learn to push such feelings down and use anger as a “go-to” emotion. Anger seems safer to feel because it’s far less vulnerable. When were angry, we won’t need others. And when we don’t need others, they can’t let us down.

It may provide a measure of short-term safety, but using anger as a “go-to” emotion and banning more vulnerable feelings will inevitably ruin relationships and block us from finding the comfort of God and others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Is anger your “go-to” emotion? Take a risk and let yourself feel those things that hurt or scare you. And then begin sharing those feelings with God and a friend or two. Involving others and letting them see more of you than just your anger can help you find comfort and in turn, learn how to comfort others.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” –Jesus (Matthew 5:4)

We’re attending the funeral for the same reason we’ve called and texted our friend over the past week. He loved his brother dearly, and he’s reeling from such a profound and sudden loss. We can’t begin to take away the pain of his loss, but our presence is a small but meaningful way to rally around our friend and show that we care.

Jesus modeled how important the presence of others is during a time of grief. The night He was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, when His soul was crushed with grief to the point of death, Jesus asked a few of His disciples to sit and pray with him (Matthew 26:36-38). They couldn’t take His grief away either, but He desired, even needed their company and prayers.

Just as Jesus needed others to be with Him in His time of need—we need others too. Having others around comforts a grieving heart more than we know.

The particular brand of aspirin I take etches the shape of a small heart on the side of the pill. At first I thought it was corny. But every time I see it, it reminds me that I’m taking this little pill for the good of my heart.

Just as it’s good to take care of our physical heart, it’s also good to take care of a different kind of “heart.” I’m referring to that unseen place inside each of us that houses our deepest desires, hopes, convictions, and feelings. It’s that place within us where we experience the deepest joys and heartaches of life.

The heart is the center of who we really are. That’s why the book of Proverbs puts a high priority on taking care of it:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”
(Proverbs 4:23)

During this Christmas season and even as you enter the New Year, take some time to care for your heart that Jesus was born to rescue and renew. Take a break from the frenetic pace of life and give yourself time to breathe again.

Maybe grab some solitude. Read a good book. Reconnect with a friend or relative.

Do whatever you need to do to tend to your heart. It is the central part of who you are. It is the place out of which you love God and others.

Kevin, who recently received high praise for his heroic role in the Jesus-centered film Soul Surfer, had the following to say about recovering from his illness:

“‘Before my illness I was fully preoccupied with the material side of life. Moving at the speed of light, I ignored the spiritual side, the unseen. But being sidelined with time to spare, I had a lot of conversations with God and told him my problems.

Kevin’s reflections are a good reminder to us all. It’s important to talk to God about the problems in our lives. Invite Him into what’s going on, share what’s on our hearts, and listen for His Spirit to minister to our hearts.

We can’t “see” God, but if we slow down enough we can discover He’s there to talk it through.

“In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free.” –Psalm 118:5 NLT

I remembered that I had read an article in the newspaper about an organization called The Compassionate Friends, a place to help grieving families after the death of a child. I told my friend about Compassionate Friends and an event CF started 15 years ago: The Worldwide Candle Lighting night. Each year, the second Sunday in December is dedicated to remembering, honoring, and reflecting on the lives of children who died. December 11, 2011 is the Worldwide Candle Lighting night, and this is a time where families can attend a special service in their area or light a candle at 7:00 p.m., wherever they are, to honor their child.

Holidays can be difficult for many reasons, but especially for those whose child has died – at any age and from any cause.  Whether this is the first Christmas without your child or the 25^th, you will never be the same without your son or daughter. Your child’s death has markedly changed you.  The grief you feel and the changes that take place as a result of your child’s death validate the significance, meaning, and love of your relationship with your child.

If you have lost a child or you know someone who has, I recommend this website as a source of hope and healing:  www.compassionatefriends.org.  There is also a place to post a remembrance note about your son or daughter. It’s one way a family can express their grief, share their memories, honor their child, and maybe even find new friends who can help them along this arduous journey.

The executive director of CF, Patricia Loder, wrote that the reason they do the Worldwide Candle Lighting is so that the child’s “light may always shine.”

What a beautiful picture of a child:  light; like a star’s light breaking through the darkness.

Let’s pray for the families that are grieving the loss of a child this holiday season. We can help carry their burden by praying for them, lighting a candle for their child, weeping with them, listening to them, and allowing them to grieve naturally. There is no time table and parents who’ve lost a child never ever “get over it.”  They need to grieve their incredibly deep loss for as long as it takes.

If you’d like, please use this space to post a remembrance note about your dearly loved and missed child.

In his book, Befriending the Stranger, Jean Vanier (founder of L’Arche) shared this gripping exchange he once had with a man who was in prison:

“I remember my visit to a top security prison in Kingston, Ontario. I told the prisoners about the men and women we have welcomed in l’Arche–their pain, their sense of failure and rejection, their depression, sometimes their self-mutilation…I knew that I was in fact telling them their own story, the story of their lives, their experience of rejection, grief, insecurity, and failure.”

“At the end of my talk one of the inmates got up and screamed at me: ‘You! You’ve had an easy life! You do not understand what we are living! When I was four years old, I saw my mother raped right in front of me! When I was seven, I was sold by my father for sex. When I was thirteen the police came to get me. If anyone else comes into this prison to talk about love I will kick his bloody head in!’”

Jean Vanier continued, “I listened to him but did not know what to say or do. It was as if he had me against the wall. I prayed and then I said: ‘It’s true what you say. I do not know what you have lived. But what I do know is that everything you have just told me is important. People outside the prison often judge you without knowing your pain…’”

“When the question time was over I went up to the man and I shook his hand. I asked him his name…I was inspired to ask him whether he was married and when he said ‘Yes’ I asked him to tell me about his wife. This man who had been so violent, who had seemed to have such hatred in him, broke down in tears. He told me about his wife, who was in Montreal in a wheelchair. He had not seen her for two years! I was in front of a wounded, vulnerable little child, weeping, crying out for love and tenderness.”

Vanier went on to add, “In the midst of all the violence and corruption of the world, God invites us today to create new places of belonging, places of sharing, of peace and kindness, places where no-one needs to defend himself or herself; places where each one is loved and accepted with one’s own fragility, abilities and disabilities.”

I don’t know  of a more powerful way to show the heart of Jesus than to give hurting and lost people from all walks of life a place to belong.  A place where issues are addressed, but only once love and non-condemning friendships are established (Lk. 19:1-9; John 8:1-11). A place where they are not judged and singled-out, but rather befriended and eventually encouraged to pursue a relationship with Jesus, and through His grace become all He intends for them to be.

BTW…L’Arche (a network of communities Jean Vanier established for those with intellectual disabilities ) is the the French word for Noah’s Ark.

One researcher said, “We found that prayer really can help people cope with their anger, probably by helping them change how they view the events that angered them and helping them take it less personally.”

These studies reflect the idea that prayer changes us as much as it changes anything else. Perhaps this is one reason why Jesus taught us to pray for our enemies (Matthew 6:28). He wanted us to genuinely pray for their well-being, but in doing so He likely knew the effect it would have on our own hearts.

Praying for those who persecute us is a radical idea. It’s typically not the first thing to come to my mind. My initial thought is to pray against them. But it’s hard to deny the benefits.

A man I once counseled found himself consumed by the rage he felt towards his ex-wife. For decades she would run him down to their children and intentionally exclude him from their lives. His ex-wife didn’t change, but his attitude started to shift once he began praying for her. In a way he couldn’t explain, praying for her freed him from the anger that had consumed him for years.

How has praying for others, even someone who acts like your enemy, had an impact on you?

Another friend’s father and brother were killed in an auto accident last night. I can only imagine her horror and grief.

This world is ravaged by sin and death. It hurts and I hate it. I feel helpless to stop it. I know I’m not alone; anyone reading this has been affected by tragedy and heartache in some way.

My heart is soothed this morning by what I read in Revelation 21:4:  “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I look forward to that day. I long for it. I hope you, too, find comfort from this promise of God.

In the early 1970′s, Colson had risen to one of the most powerful positions in the world. He was President Richard Nixon’s right hand man. But after the Watergate scandal broke, Colson was arrested and sent to prison on charges of obstruction of justice. In the process of his conviction, he became a Christian.

The loss of his freedom and identity was not the most difficult thing he faced during his seven months in prison. What troubled him most was that as a convicted felon, he felt he would never again have the chance to do anything of significance with his life.

As it turns out, the most significant thing in Chuck Colson’s life had nothing to do with what he had accomplished in the first 41 years of his life. Instead, it has been what God chose to do through him out of his brokenness as a person. He didn’t see it at the time (because as Christians we “walk by faith not by sight”), but years later he readily acknowledges that going to prison was one of the most important things that ever happened to him.

One lesson to take from Colson’s life is this…don’t buy into the lie that’s over. As Colson said, “At your lowest moment, God may be preparing you for the biggest thing you will ever do.”