Archives For Marriage & Family

Running into the Father’s Presence

Dennis Moles —  May 17, 2013 — 1 Comment

It has been nearly 25 years since the phone rang bringing us the terrible news that my younger cousin Jacob had been badly hurt. He had been playing with some neighbor kids and in a freak accident a guttering spike had been driven 6 inches into his brain. It entered between his eyeball and the orbital bone. He was rushed to the hospital, but the situation was grave and the doctors gave us very little hope that he would survive. It would take a miracle.

During this crisis, our family scrambled into action. Several hurried to the hospital to be with Jacob. Several others gathered at with my grandmother’s house to wait.

The usually light atmosphere at my grandparents’ house was replaced by one of heaviness and sorrow. Without much conversation, we gathered around Grandma who lay weeping on the couch. With Jacob barely clinging to life, we did the only thing we felt we could do. We prayed. I did not know it at the time but that prayer would forever change how I approached God in prayer.

As we began to pray, my grandmother could do nothing but weep. We prayed and she cried. She cried and said “Please, Father” under her breath as we timidly plead for Jacob’s healing. As the family prayer session went on, Mommaw started to pray.

There was no pretense or pleasantries in her prayer. At first it was agonizing to listen to her, but then the agony, while still present, began to give way as she charged boldly into the throne room of the Almighty. It was clear that she was asking for God’s help. She wanted Him to heal Jake, but it was also more than that. She also needed His presence, for without His presence she could not survive the pain. She needed to know that even in this terrible circumstance God was near. That He still heard and still cared.

By the time she really hit her stride in prayer, we had all stopped praying. We simply knelt quietly, and with our eyes wide open we watched Mommaw pray. We all knew she had taken us to a holy and intimate place. It was a place she seemed to know well; she had obviously been there before.

In those tense and fearful moments, Mommaw showed us that what we all really need in times of intense grief and sorrow is the Lord’s presence. We longed for Jacob’s healing—and by God’s grace and mercy we got what we wanted—but what we really needed more than anything else was God Himself. For He truly is our only hope in life and in death.

In Anger, Despair, Grandparenting, Guilt, Hopelessness, Marriage & Family, Prayer & Worship ,
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Pray like no one but God is listening

Dennis Moles —  May 7, 2013 — 1 Comment

One of the great gifts my father gave to me was the ability to tell stories. One of my preferred pastimes as a boy was to sit and listen to Dad tell stories about his childhood. One of my favorite involved my grandmother and her prayer closet.

Dad, according to his recollection, was about 10 years old when my grandfather (Poppawe Damon) took him and his two younger siblings, Joe and Eileen, out to mend a fence that was about 200 yards behind their house.

As they worked my grandfather suddenly stopped what he was doing and looked back toward the house. Poppawe’s sudden lack of activity caught the attention of the kids, and he answered their unspoken question with a simple, “Listen.”

As they stood there in near silence, the kids began to hear what he had heard. In the distance, they made out a single voice. It was hushed but earnest; tender and pleading.

It did not take the kids long to figure out who was talking. It was their mother. And it didn’t take them long to figure out who she was talking to—God. The longer Momawe prayed, the louder she became.

Dad still remembers standing there at the edge of the woods listening to his mother pray. He remembers the intensity and passion in her prayer. He remembers hearing her pray for him, Joe, and Eileen. He remembers her crying with joy at the presence of her Lord as Jesus met her in the midst of her worship and petition. He remembers Poppawe telling them that Momawe was in the closet, where she went to meet with God (Matthew 6:5-6).

I heard this story many times while I was growing up. And while the actual event took place nearly 20 years before I was born, I still sense the reverence of that moment.

Dad was given a great gift that day. He was able to hear how his mother prayed when she thought no one was listening.

Christian prayer in its most intimate form is like that. It is an intimate conversation. It’s raw but beautiful. It is not ritualistic and measured but relational and empowered. It’s saying what you would say when you think no one but God is listening.

If you have a desire to grow and be strengthened in your prayer life please join us for a live webinar event, “Prayer: What It Is, What It Isn’t, and Why It Matters”.

https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/6822142345903290368

Register soon; space is limited. Hope to see you there!

In Marriage & Family, Parenting, Prayer & Worship, Relationships
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Parenting Other People’s Kids, 2

Dennis Moles —  March 8, 2013 — 3 Comments

Kids need adults in their lives. Two recent studies have captured my thinking over the last 6 months:

  1. The Barna Research Group tells us that 6 in 10 young adults between the ages of 18 and 35 are leaving the church (You Lost Me by David Kinnaman).
  2. The Fuller Youth Institute tells us that adult engagement is the most consistent factor in determining whether or not a young person will continue to stay in the Christian faith (Sticky Faith).

In short, the Barna study tells us that younger people are leaving the church at a greater rate than they are staying. This is discouraging. But the Fuller Youth Institute study gives us hope. It tells us that the most significant determiner as to whether or not a young person’s faith will “stick” is directly connected to adult interaction.

The study says that if a young person has five adults of varying ages who intentionally invest in them, they are much more likely to stay in the faith. When I was a youth pastor, we were told that we should have one adult leader for every five kids. But the FYI study indicates that we ought to turn that ratio around. Not only do kids need more adults, the study also says that they need people from multiple age groups.

The kids whose faith “stuck” the best were those who had relationships with five adults from multiple generations who intentionally built into their lives.

Now I know that the Holy Spirit is the One who draws us, illuminates us, and saves and seals us in Christ. And I do not intend to say that anyone can come to Christ apart from the work of the Holy Spirit; nor am I attempting to say that human effort can keep us in Christ. But I am intrigued by this common thread of multigenerational adult relationships with young people whose faith sticks.

What do you think? Is it noteworthy that young people whose faith sticks have adults other than their parents who are available and present? What is the significance of this multigenerational aspect to spiritual relationships? Is it fair to say that if young people have present, active, and intentional spiritual fathers, mothers, grandparents, and older brothers and sisters, they are more likely to be persons of faith?

In Grandparenting, Parenting , , , , ,
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Marriage Is Good Work

Tim Jackson —  March 4, 2013 — 3 Comments

Ben Afleck Jen GarnerAt the recent Academy Awards, Ben Affleck, the director for the Best Picture category in 2012, made a revealing comment in his acceptance speech that created quite a stir for some who can be critical of just about any dialog.

In his excitement and rush to thank everyone involved in the movie, he proceeded to thank his wife, Jennifer Garner, with these words:

“I want to thank my wife . . . for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s good . . . it is work, but it’s the best kind of work . . . and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”

When I heard his comments, I thought, Wow! Here’s someone in the spotlight who isn’t ashamed to say that marriage is work—good work, hard work, and the best kind of work.

What a refreshing splash of reality in a world, and especially in an industry, that has made generous profits on creating unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships. The reality for many is that, whether they are aware of it or not, they’ve been influenced by the computer-generated media mythology that genuine love just happens. The new measure of the success or failure of a love relationship has become personal happiness and fulfillment. And if your partner or spouse doesn’t do it for you anymore, then it’s time to move on and find someone else who does.

The reality check is that if you listen to anyone who is honest about building a marriage, that person acknowledges that it takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to construct something substantial that can go the distance. It takes hard work, and that’s what real love requires.

Whether he knew it or not, Ben was echoing the ancient wisdom found in the Proverbs 24:3-4:

By wisdom a house it built,

and through understanding it is established;

through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

Now honestly, I don’t know Ben and Jennifer. I have no insights into their personal lives (and this is not an endorsement). But my hunch is that those who took potshots at him with comments like “Ben Affleck could probably use a ladder to get out of that hole he dug himself into at the Oscars last night when he called out the imperfections in his marriage” probably reveals more about the chronic cynicism that is all too prevalent when it comes to marriage.

His final comment to his wife was a precious affirmation of loyalty: “and there’s no one I’d rather work with.” I know for a fact that most wives would love to hear that kind of unabashed affirmation of fidelity from their husbands.

And that’s a good reminder for all of us who are married. Is marriage work? Hard work? Yes! But it’s good work and the best kind of work. So let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work loving each other well.

In Intimacy & Oneness, Marriage & Family , , , ,
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Parenting Other People’s Kids (part 1)

Dennis Moles —  February 25, 2013 — 2 Comments

I’ll be honest, I don’t know most of you nor do I know your children or your children’s friends. So based on that confession I know what I am about to say is COMPLETE conjecture and is in no way meant to disparage the character or call into question the worth of any person or persons living or dead. But…my kids have the BEST friends in the world.

I’m serious. They really do and I love them – all of them. They are funny, loud, smart, and at times just plan silly. I love being around them. They challenge me to think well and live life to the fullest. Amy and I love to have them in our home. They are so much fun!

Until recently I have never really considered what my role in their life ought to be. But the more I am around these kids the more invested I feel, and I can’t help but wonder if I am representing well the rule and reign of Christ in their presence.

If I am called to be salt and light to the world (Matthew 5:13-16) and if I am called to represent Christ in the everydayness of my life (Colossians 1) then how can I be a better example of Christ’s love toward my kids friends? How do I, “parent other people’s kids?”

We’ll unpack these statements over the next couple of weeks but test these thoughts with me. My kids friends don’t need me to be their dad but they do need me. They need me to…

  • be available and present…
  • provide a safe and loving environment…
  • listen well before speaking…
  • tell them stories not give them lectures…
  • value them as image bearers of God…

So what do you think? Is this what kids need or do they need something else? Are all of these points equal in importance? How do we encourage and love our kids friends without overstepping your bounds?

I can’t wait to talk with you about this!

In Parenting
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Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal

Tim Jackson —  February 18, 2013 — 4 Comments

When I’m talking with someone who has been deeply betrayed by a friend, a family member, or a coworker, they often ask, “How can I ever trust him again? He said he was sorry, but how do I know if he is truly sorry about the damage he’s done or if he’s just sorry he got caught? I don’t want to get burned again.”

Those are tough questions, because there’s a lot at stake for both the betrayer and the betrayed.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship after a bitter betrayal almost feels like an insurmountable task. No one in his right mind would dare trust a spouse who was unfaithful, a coworker who stole his good idea, or a friend who lied about him behind his back. Would you?

But what if that person apologizes? Then what? How can you know if someone has truly repented?

As Jesus’ followers, we talk about repentance—that radical change of heart and mind that alters one’s perspective and reshapes behavior patterns to look more like Jesus.  It’s been a part of the Jesus story from the beginning. John the Baptist referred to it as “producing fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matt. 3:8; Luke 3:8).

Testing repentance is vital to rebuilding trust in a broken relationship. So what are some of the signs of a repentant heart?

King David—a man whose deceit betrayed his wife and his nation—said it best: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Ps. 51:17).

One place to begin looking for “fruit” that reveals a deeply rooted heart of repentance is in how the repentant betrayer responds when questioned. A repentant person demonstrates a humble attitude that is neither demanding nor defensive when questioned. There is an openness that replaces deceit, a willingness to be accountable for his or her actions on multiple levels without resorting to blaming others or making excuses for failures.

It’s only through experiencing a consistency in both attitudes and actions that reflect repentance that the betrayed individual will over time begin to take the risky steps towards trusting again.

How much time? As much as it takes.

And the repentant person will humbly wait for as long as it takes, knowing that the celebration over restoration will be a sweet harvest for both parties—a harvest that repentance and forgiveness has made possible because of Jesus’ example.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret” (2 Cor. 7:10).

In Affairs, Affairs & Unfaithfulness, Betrayal, Conflict & Confrontation, Marriage & Family, Relationships , , , , ,
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Piling Up Stones

Dennis Moles —  January 22, 2013 — Leave a comment

This past weekend was a special time for me as a dad, a friend, and the follower of Jesus. It was a time of remembering the past, connecting with the present, and casting a vision for the future.

Every January the current and former members of a college organization called Theta Rho Epsilon meet for a weekend retreat. This year the meeting was in Chicago and my sons and I attended. Theta Rho Epsilon, which we affectionately call OPE (pronounced Opie—like Ron Howard’s character on the Andy Griffith show) is a men’s organization that began at Cedarville University back in the early nineties. The purpose and creed of OPE is summed up by Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” And for the last 20 years I have lived in community, often from a considerable geographical distance, with these guys—each of us trying to help the others look, act, and love like Jesus Christ.

When OPE began, I don’t think any of us had a clear idea how important the relationships we were making would be to us and our families. From the very best of times to the very worst of times, these guys have been there for me and I have been there for them.

As we gathered this weekend with friends old and new, I was reminded of the profound truth that none of us were meant to take this journey of discipleship alone. I was reminded that I need my brothers and they need me. I was reminded of the story we share and was encouraged by the story we are writing. But this year something else profound took place. This year all the alumni set aside some time to have a special ceremony for our sons.

It wasn’t elaborate. We simply told them stories, presented them with gifts, and shared our hearts. Essentially, we reminded them of the story of Joshua leading the children of Israel across the Jordan: 

When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, “Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan from right where the priests stood and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight.” . . . “These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.” . . . “In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground’ ” (Joshua 4:1-7, 21-22).

This past Saturday we piled up stones of our own. We reminded our sons, who range in age from 6 to 14, of the story of OPE. How before any of them was born we set out to help each other follow Jesus. How we have continued through the years to sharpen one another for the purpose of looking, acting, and loving like Christ. After we shared our story, we confessed to them that our greatest desire is for them to follow Jesus too and to know that they have a community of men who love them and are there for them no matter what.

Each boy left Chicago this weekend having received a necklace, hearing a declaration, and receiving a promise. The necklace simply reads “Proverbs 27:17.” It was presented to them by a man other than their dad with the simple declaration, “We choose you; we love you.” And it was solidified as 12 men stood to their feet and made these promises to 8 boys:

“We promise, as time and opportunity allows, to be a sharpening influence in your lives.”

“We commit, as the Holy Spirit brings you to our minds, to pray for you.”

“We are willing, should you ever need us, to be a safe place for you to share your questions and struggles as you grow and progress through life.”

“Regardless of the choices and decisions you make, we choose you.”

This weekend reminded me that I need to take more time to pile up stones. I need to remember the faithfulness of God in the past and declare that faithfulness in the present. It reminded me that I need my brothers, and it reminded me to pray for my own kids that they would find the same kind of relationships that God has blessed me with.

How long has it been since you piled up some stones?

In Parenting, Relationships, Spiritual
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Holiday Traditions (part 3): Food-based Traditions

Tim Jackson —  December 21, 2012 — Leave a comment

This is my last installment on Christmas traditions. We’ve covered some Faith-based traditions, some family and fun-based traditions. This time, it’s all about the food! And there are several reasons for that.

Food-based Traditions:

First of all,  I’m not talking about glutenous self-indulgence, but how we use food to celebrate as part of our traditions. The seven annual festivals of the Jewish people that we find in the Old Testament were marked with music and food that symbolized these as special times of rich celebration. These times all celebrated the goodness of God and His goodness to us.

Second, frankly, most of the meaningful conversations and celebrations in my home almost always centered around the kitchen table. It started at my great Aunt Marie’s Thanksgiving table, my Grandma Corl’s Christmas table, and later passed to my immediate family’s table for birthdays, graduations, and most other holidays. Laughter, music, story-telling and special foods all were a rich part of my family’s traditions. But Christmas was always the best.

So, it makes sense to us that the greatest celebration of the whole year would be the birthday of Jesus, the Savior of all mankind. Christmas should be the biggest birthday party of the year. The music of the season is sometimes reflective and sobering as we focus on the events of His humble birthday arrival in Bethlehem. Other songs are festive and fun, reflecting the “joy to the world” that knowing the Lord brings into a world filled with cares and concerns.

In keeping with the idea of the biggest birthday party of the year, there are foods that are reserved for the holidays that we just don’t make throughout the rest of the year. Sugary treats–like special raisin-filled cookies, snow balls covered in powdered sugar, Danish puffs on Christmas morning, eggnog on Christmas Eve, homemade and hand-dipped chocolates, a birthday cake for Jesus (especially when our children were younger) and yes, the proverbial fruitcake.

Now before you overreact, don’t think of the store-bought-sorry-excuse-for-a-fruitcake that all the late night comics love to make fun of–like David Letterman’s Top 10 Things you can do with a fruitcake. I’m talking about homemade fruitcake! This is the real deal, chucked full of a fruity goodness and a glorious reminder that the God who made our tongues to enjoy this scrumptious variety of delightful tastes is the One who makes beauty and goodness possible every day of our lives.

What makes it even more special is that we make all these delicious delights in our kitchen–together. Well, that’s where my wife shines. She loves feeding her family. And she’s learned how to include all of us in some aspects of making the Christmas foods together. For instance, my son is the peanut brittle specialist. I samples more than a few pieces of his first batch last night! Yum! My daughters roll out cookies and help dip the chocolates. These experiences not only teach them the traditions and skills of Christmas cooking, but they add to the fun and “togetherness” that is such an important part of the holiday celebrations. Every one participates where and when they can (as is age appropriate).

Growing up in central Pennsylvania and my wife in the Lancaster County area, our roots have Pennsylvania Dutch (really German, not Dutch like the Netherlands) influences. Thus, our traditional meal on New Year’s Day is pork smothered in sauerkraut and plopped in the middle of a pile of mashed potatoes. My grandmother said it was for good luck in the new year. Why “good luck” I’ll never get, but it sure tasted good then and still does.

These holiday treats serve as reminders that once every year we “bring out the best” and serve up a delightful banquet for the palate to enjoy as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the greatest man to ever walk the face of this planet. But they also serve as appetizers, anticipating the day when Jesus, who came the first time in humility to live and die as the sacrificial solution for our sin problem, will return some day as our King and will throw the greatest of all banquets–the Marriage Supper of the Lamb as a celebration for His second coming in glorious and triumphant power “to make all things new” (Rev. 21:3-5).

These are some of the foods we celebrate Christmas with. So, how about you? What are some of the special foods and why are they special to your family traditions? (Recipes are optional, but welcomed.)

Have a blessed Christmas celebrating with your family and friends.

In Marriage & Family, Relationships , , ,
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Holiday Traditions (Part 2): Family-Based Traditions

Tim Jackson —  December 14, 2012 — Leave a comment

In my previous post, I covered some faith-based traditions that my wife and I have celebrated in our home over the past 35 Christmas holiday seasons together. Some are from her home, some are from my home, and the rest we borrowed from friends, extended family, and books we’d read about making Christmas a joyous celebration for the whole family.

I put these traditions under two additional categories: family-based and fun-based traditions.

Family-Based Traditions

In our family, we give gifts to each other to remind us of the greatest gift of all, Jesus. But gift giving can become a major distraction from God’s greatest gift to us. However, while my wife and I decided that we wanted to give gifts within the family, we were concerned that we and our children not get sucked into the commercialized materialistic deluge of Christmas gifts on Christmas morning. In our efforts to address the pitfalls that gift giving can bring, we adopted a tradition from my wife’s family of a 9-day Christmas celebration starting on Christmas Eve and ending on New Year’s Day. My wife spent part of her childhood in a predominantly Jewish New England neighborhood. It was the 8-day festival of lights, Hanukkah, that inspired her parents’ decision to spread out the holiday to give more time for celebration, reflection, and taking advantage of after-Christmas sales on a limited budget.

The week of celebration made our time together more manageable and meaningful. The focus wasn’t all on one day, which can be overwhelming. Because we live in the Midwest and our extended families are spread all up and down the Eastern US (from Maine to Alabama), gifts from extended family were parceled out to one per day throughout the week. It may have been something as small as a book or matchbox car. Phone calls were made to thank family for their gifts but more to reconnect and chat than anything. There were several gifts on Christmas day but no overwhelming gift dump.

Finding the right gift for someone can be an exercise in sheer consumerism. Or it can be a reminder of how God knows our hearts and delights in giving “good gifts” to His children (Matt. 7:11). We try not to focus on the gifts, but to delight in giving “good gifts” throughout the year that are symbolized by the gifts we give at Christmas.

Fun-Based Traditions

One of the fun traditions my kids have enjoyed (and, truth be told, so have I) is the reading of the timeless poem The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore. I memorized it for a sixth grade Christmas play and started reciting it to my kids just prior to bedtime on Christmas Eve when they were just little tikes. I’d act it out with different voices and whistles, and add a few Jacksonian modifications of my own. It was fun for all.

I later learned that the author was a renowned professor of Oriental and Greek Literature who was most proud of his great work A Compendious Lexicon of the Hebrew Language. However, it was his venture into the wonder of make-believe with a whimsical poem written for his children’s entertainment in 1814 that he is best known. A theologian and a whimsical poet! Now that’s a winning combination in my book. We discovered that the poem, presented as make-believe and not as fact, added a delightful sparkle and playful wonder to our Christmas.

Another fun tradition is singing. We sing a lot of Christmas carols around the holidays. But The Twelve Days of Christmas has become a favorite in our home.  Not only is it a fun song to sing in a round with many participating voices, but it’s also fraught with history that’s eluded most of us. That’s where Ace Collins has been very helpful. We’ve enjoyed exploring his two volumes, Stories Behind the Best-Loved Songs of Christmas and Stories Behind the Great Traditions of Christmas. They have been informative and delightful resources that add context, history, and enjoyment to many of the cherished songs and traditions surrounding our Christmas celebrations.

Christmas movies have also become a tradition over the years. Our video library includes favorites such as Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life, Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, and Irving Berlin’s White Christmas that I grew up watching with my family. But there are newer movies that we’ve included over time. Robert Zemeckis’ The Polar Express and Catherine Hardwicke’s The Nativity Story are now favorites. The Nativity Story has been especially beneficial in helping us visualize what that first Christmas Day was like for the young Jewish couple chosen to introduce the Savior into the world.

These are some of the fun Christmas traditions our family has enjoyed throughout the years. They’ve worked for us. Feel free to borrow some to see what works for you. No matter what you do, I encourage you to be intentional about creating some traditions for your family that provide familiar anchor points for the generations that follow.

Now it’s your turn to share. What are some family-based or fun-based Christmas traditions you’ve found meaningful in your family as you were growing up or that you’ve started in your family as a parent? Let’s learn and be encouraged by one another to celebrate the richness of Jesus’ birth and the hope of restoration that He brings.

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Holiday Traditions (Part 1): Faith-Based Traditions

Tim Jackson —  December 13, 2012 — 6 Comments

Tradition has become a much maligned and co-opted word in our polarized and politicized culture. Traditional families, traditional marriages, and traditional values are thrown around so much that traditions are often seen as suspect, a throwback to a bygone era that has minimal value in this modern world.

What are traditions? Do they have any real meaning?

Traditions are anchors. When I’m river fishing from a boat, I toss out a couple anchors to hold me steady on a particular hot spot, otherwise I’d quickly be washed downstream by the current. And that’s what traditions do. They are anchor points that provide perspective.

Traditions are repeated patterns, or customs, that help us remember our place in the ongoing story that we’re a part of. They are familiar practices handed down from one generation to the next that provide a sense of meaning and belonging in a family, a community of faith, or an ethnic group. They remind us where we came from and who we are, both of which can provide perspective that helps us focus on where we’re going.

I loosely group holiday traditions—those surrounding the winter trilogy of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s celebrations—into four categories: faith-based, family-based, fun-based, and food-based traditions. And while there are no set rules as to how to do traditions, here are some ideas that my wife and I have found meaningful as we raised our kids.

Faith-Based Traditions

As Christian parents, our desire is to pass along our faith to our children in the everyday activities of life. Holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, provide a special occasion to remember, reflect, worship, and tell how the story of Jesus impacts the way we celebrate the holiday seasons. We’ve tried to be intentional and flexible about handing down traditions that symbolize core biblical truths.

When our children were younger, we used tools such as Advent calendars to help them focus on the reality that Christmas is not merely about sparkling decorations, delicious foods, delightful gifts, and fun family gatherings but primarily about remembering and celebrating the most important Person’s birthday of the year. We read the Old Testament promises about the coming Messiah and sang songs about His coming.

As they got older, at the suggestion of some friends who were further down the parenting path, I made an advent wreath from a Styrofoam ring with room for 25 tapered candles. Each day we progressively lit another candle until on Christmas Eve all 25 candles were ablaze. What a sight! Of course the kids loved it (it involved fire!) and enjoyed lighting and extinguishing the candles each evening (under strict parental supervision, of course, and a fire extinguisher close by :-) ). But the progressive glory and accumulating light from the candles was a vivid reminder of the anticipated glorious coming of the great King under the cover of a dark wintery night in a humble stable so long ago.

We also found a book that told the stories behind all the favorite Christmas songs we hear and sing throughout the holiday season. It provided the “back story” that even we as parents never really knew. It’s still a favorite part of our Christmas tradition each year.

Reading the Christmas story on Christmas Eve is one of the highlights of our celebration. For us, Christmas Eve begins at 6:00 p.m. Often we begin with attending a early Christmas Eve service at our church. Afterward, we eat dinner (Chinese takeout—more about that later). We light the Advent candles. We read the Christmas story—usually from Luke’s gospel (2:1-20). We sing Christmas carols, allowing everyone to pick some of their favorites. We pray together, thanking God for sending His perfect Gift, His only Son, to show us how much He loved us (John 3:16).

Christmas Eve is not a time to rush through these preliminaries to get to the main event—the gifts we give to each other. This is a precious moment, a sacred space set aside to savor the true wonder of Christmas: that the infinite God of the universe chose to confine Himself in the body of a helpless baby who grew to be a man to show us all what God looks like in a man suit!

These are some of the traditions that have helped us as a family focus on what’s most important at this special time of year. But as I mentioned earlier, I’m sure that many of you have your own deeply meaningful traditions that help you focus on the One who is the reason for the season. So it’s your turn to share your traditions so that we can all benefit. And, who knows, I just may start a new tradition in my home based on some of your suggestions.

I’ll share some additional traditions in my next post.

Merry Christmas!

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