The Marriage Killer

Nagging is a marriage killer. So says a study reported in the recent Wall Street Journal article—“Meet the Marriage Killer.”

The article defines the nagging problem as the “interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed.”

The article goes on to point out that every couple experiences nagging to some degree, but it can grow to “be as potentially dangerous to a marriage as adultery or bad finances.” A couple will start bickering about the nagging and... Read More

Demandingness (Part 2)

Okay, so if you read my previous post (Demandingness Part 1), maybe you’ve had time to reflect on how your inborn demandingness shows up in your life. I know, it’s always easier to see it in others first, but this time I want you to focus on you. Not pretty is it?

So what’s the remedy?

Radical transformation. No routine adjustment will suffice here. This goes clear to the bone. It’s complex. No simple 3, 5, 7 or 12 step plan. It’s not a plan, but a person–who gives us a whole new outlook on life. It’s... Read More

Demandingness (Part 1)

Are you a demanding? Do you have any demanding people in your life? Underlying the struggles in most relationships is a vein of demandingness that erodes the potential for love and justifies all the hurtful things we do to each other.

All of us, if we’re honest, struggle with being demanding at times–and probably more times than we care to admit. Of course it’s not all the time. But we sure are some of the time.

When?

Well, it’s when we revert to the 2-year-old-temper-tantrum mode that sounds something like this: “I want what... Read More

Hiding behind Humor

Hunter Adams, a physician whose life was the basis for the 1998 film Patch Adams, has spent his career encouraging doctor-patient relationships that rely heavily on the use of humor and play. Adams believes establishing this kind of connection with a patient is essential to their physical and emotional health.

Laughter and humor are an important part of life. The book of Proverbs says “a cheerful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). Generally speaking, all of us could use more laughter in our lives.

Certainly there’s a time for laughter, but... Read More

Hang time continued . . .

A good friend and colleague read my last blog and commented that he thought one could get the impression from reading it that reading the Bible or Bible study was the only way we can hang with Jesus. Hmmm?

As I reread what I wrote, I can see how some readers might draw that conclusion. So, let me clarify.

Reading, studying, and meditating on the Word of God is one of the primary ways that we can hang out with, commune with and listen to God. But it isn’t the only way.

In fact, for some of us, our diligent study of the Bible can at... Read More

Is Anger Your “Go-To” Emotion?

Ever get angry? I know I sure do. If there is one emotion I’m personally acquainted with—it’s getting hacked off.

Anger can be a legitimate and healthy emotion. The apostle Paul speaks of a righteous anger: “Be angry, and yet do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26 NASB).

For some of us, however, anger is the only emotion we let ourselves deeply feel and express.

Why is that?

For many people, it stems from past experiences where emotions like sadness and fear were downplayed or ignored or even outright discouraged. As... Read More

Hang time

At this time of NFL football playoffs and NCAA championship bowl games, you can hear a lot about “hang time.” It’s the term used to describe the amount of time that a punt “hangs in the air” before it is caught by a player on the opposing team. More time is better, allowing the kicking team’s players to get closer to the receiver to pin him deep in his own territory.

So, in essence, more hang time allows you to get closer to your goal of winning the game.

In the New Testament, Jesus also valued hang time. No, he wasn’t a punter... Read More

the presence of others

Tomorrow morning, a couple of friends and I are planning to drive two hours to attend the funeral of a stranger. The deceased actually is the brother of a close friend and co-worker who unexpectedly died of a brain aneurism at the age of 50.

We’re attending the funeral for the same reason we’ve called and texted our friend over the past week. He loved his brother dearly, and he’s reeling from such a profound and sudden loss. We can’t begin to take away the pain of his loss, but our presence is a small but meaningful way to rally around our friend and show that... Read More

Setting Life Goals

Okay. So you’ve weathered the holidays and now you’re trying to get back into the swing of things. And, if you’re like me, you’re looking at how to trim away those few extra holiday pounds all the candy, cookies, and fruitcake you consumed have tacked on (Yes, I do like fruitcake. Not the store-bought kind that tastes more like an old brick I dug up from the backyard. My wife makes it from scratch. Now that is good stuff!).

Anyway, I had a little break between Christmas and New Years and I read a great article from a newsletter that comes to me via email... Read More

Take time for your heart

Every morning I take a baby aspirin. Heart disease runs in my family, and my doctor says it’s good for the health of my ticker.

The particular brand of aspirin I take etches the shape of a small heart on the side of the pill. At first I thought it was corny. But every time I see it, it reminds me that I’m taking this little pill for the good of my heart.

Just as it’s good to take care of our physical heart, it’s also good to take care of a different kind of “heart.” I’m referring to that unseen place inside each of us that houses our deepest desires,... Read More