“Dean and Lucy, sittin’ in a tree. K -I -S -S -I -N -G. First comes love; then comes marriage. Then comes Suzie in the baby carriage.”

Cringe…I can still feel my young heart blushing at sound of those words.

I didn’t realize it as a kid, but there’s a brilliant line in this little ditty:

“First comes love; then comes marriage.”

That is to say—a marriage (at least a healthy one marked by the peace and joy of God) is not possible unless love leads the way.

One foundation of a good healthy marriage is mutual consideration—where both partner’s needs, thoughts, and interests carry the same weight. When that gets and stays out of balance, what follows isn’t pretty. 

Few things turn a marriage more ugly that when one spouse makes it all about what’s important to him or her.

I placed my order at the drive thru, picked up my beverage and chicken sandwich (minus the sauce), and was good to go.

—or so I thought.

A few minutes later, as I went to take a sip of pop, the plastic lid on my paper cup, which I didn’t realize was just partially fastened, popped off. Instinctively, I squeezed the cup to minimize the damage, but it only made things worse. I can assure you that 20 ounces of diet coke can make quite a mess. By the time I arrived at my office, I looked like a little kid who had wet his britches.

Along with being certain I was born to spill things,  the incident brought to mind how much can go wrong in a relationship when we hold on too tight. If we become the clingy-needy type where it becomes all about us, it’s only a matter of time before we end up squeezing the life out of the ones we claim to “love.”

The New Testament speaks about a better way to approach relationships:

“Don’t look out only for your own interests,

but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians. 2:3-4).

Without mutual consideration, relationships become one-sided and oppressive.

If we feel the lid is coming off of a relationship, smothering and putting the squeeze on others is anything but mutually considerate. I’m pretty sure the 1980′s band 38 Special had this sort of problem in mind when they sang,

Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go

If you cling too tightly

You’re gonna lose control

Your baby needs someone to believe in

And a whole lot of space to breathe in

We all struggle with selfishness, but if we’re after healthy, Christ-like relationships—holding on loosely is the best way to go.