“I’ll never do it again!” she promised, pleading with him to not follow through with the separation. “I told the truth! Why won’t you believe me?”

In spite of her pleading, her husband had had enough of her lies. She had violated his trust one too many times and this time she lost him for good.

Unfortunately, this scenario is played out in numerous venues and relationships far too often. People who have done something wrong, finally get caught, “tell the truth” after a litany of lies and then are shocked that there are still consequences for their choices.

Some Christians will often respond with indignation, “Why won’t he just forgive her? He needs to show her grace! Jesus came to demonstrate truth and grace (John 1:14) and so should he.”

Somehow this distorted idea has crept into our present value system. What idea? That once I confess to the truth of what I’ve done, that all painful consequences should magically melt away like the dew in the morning sunlight because I “fessed up.” The rationale goes something like this:  “After all, we are to be gracious and forgiving of one another as Christians.” Sounds good. Right?

Sorry. While that may sound biblical, it’s not. A biblical understanding of Truth and Grace is that grace doesn’t exempt us from consequences for foolish choices. Grace means we don’t throw someone away and brand them as worthless.

Forgiveness can be offered to us when we finally confesses to what we’ve done, but what we must also accept is that we may still lose our job, our marriage, our home, our children, our reputation and our friends because of our choices.

Telling the truth doesn’t exempt us from the painful consequences of the truth being known. It’s not Truth or Consequences but Truth And Consequences.

Eldredge wrote that Jesus’ “ability to navigate praise, then hatred, false flattery, then adoring crowds, vicious slander and then people who simply don’t care — all with a grace and a sense of self that was simply stunning. Here was one grounded man.”

Yes indeed…Jesus was one centered dude.

Eldredge’s observations about Christ made me ask myself, “What am I grounded in?” Perhaps a better question to ask is “Who am I grounded in?” & “How am I staying grounded?”

In order to stay grounded, Eldredge suggested, “Cut the insane busyness. Do not live for tweets, texts, Facebook or email. Unplug the TV. Read Christian writers…Practice solitude and silence (five minutes a day will rescue you)…Get back in the Scriptures.”

Sounds likes some good ways to become and stay grounded.

No matter what we are going through, intentionally abiding in Christ and staying centered in His truth and grace is the best place to be. It may not change our circumstances, but it will help us be who we truly are in Him.

Westerns don’t normally interest me, but this film drew me in. There was one scene, in particular, that grabbed my attention.

One of the main characters in the film is Charlie Waite (played by Kevin Costner). He’s a Cowboy trying to escape a past filled with pain and regret. During the night, he has a nightmare of being attacked by a masked gunman. The woman, whose house he was staying in, heard Charlie stirring and tried to wake him up. Startled, Charlie momentarily mistook the woman for the man in his dream and drew his pistol on her.

The next morning at breakfast, Charlie apologized to the woman. He went on to explain that he was trying to put some bad times behind him “but sometimes they don’t stay put.” The woman paused for a moment and then spoke these profound words to Charlie,

“Always make me feel better to let things breathe a little—not bury them.”

As a counselor, I couldn’t have said it better. When we bury and try to suffocate the painful realities of life, they start to own us in ways that are not good. It’s best to let them “breathe a little.”

Facing our pain is not about becoming bitter and angry. It’s about putting our hearts in a honest position where we can begin to heal.

Whatever it is, leaning into our pain and letting it breath allows deep lies and false interpretations of events to surface so they can be identified, challenged, and replaced with what it is true. It’s a difficult process for sure, but it allows God to speak into our painful places and bring truth that heals our wounded hearts.

Is there a pain you need to let breathe?

As I was reading in I Samuel today about the story of Saul, Jonathon and David, I was struck by Jonathon’s denial of how badly his father, Saul, wanted David dead. Saul was insanely jealous of David and tried on several occasions to take him out. I recommend that you read this dramatic story (I Samuel chapters 17 through 20.)

Jonathon loved David like a brother. They were so close and Jonathon didn’t want anything bad to happen to David.  But he told David more than once, “My father would have told me if he was going to kill you. He tells me everything, but he hasn’t said a word about it, so I don’t think he’s going to do it. And I would have told you if I heard of any plans of killing you.”  At one point, Saul even vowed not to kill David.  But Saul wasn’t exactly a man of his word.

David wasn’t convinced that Saul didn’t want him dead. Having a spear thrown at him several times told him otherwise, and I’m sure that there were other behaviors that Saul exhibited that made David think twice about Saul. David finally convinced Jonathon that he needed to find out for sure if Saul was going to kill him. It’s at this point that Jonathon’s eyes were opened and he saw how fiercely his father wanted David dead and out of his life.

Thankfully, Jonathon was no longer in denial and giving David bad information. No more excuses for Saul’s behavior. No more believing that Saul had good intentions and that he’d keep his word. Saul had a track record of doing things his own way and being in denial himself (1 Samuel 15:3-15.) Because Jonathon finally saw the truth of the situation, he was able to help his dearly loved friend. He helped save his life.

Who can blame Jonathon for not wanting to believe that his own father wanted his best friend murdered? But his denial was putting his best friend at risk. Once he fought the urge to overlook the seriousness of the situation, and he looked for confirmation of the truth, he saw things as they really were. No more wishful thinking.

We, too, can make a difference in someone’s’ life, if we’re willing to see and accept the truth.   Jesus says that the truth will set us free! (John 8:32.)

Once I narrowed my search down to a specific vehicle, then I had to ask: Has it ever been in an accident? Does it burn oil? Has the transmission ever been repaired? Was this a one owner car? I just wanted to know the truth about what I was getting into before plunking down some cold hard cash for a new ride. I really wanted to know what I’m getting. Don’t you?

But truth-telling when it comes to a new purchase is one thing. I don’t want a lemon or to get suckered on the deal. But what’s hardest for me sometimes is telling myself the truth. I find that I’m often far more demanding and intentional in ferreting out the truth about something I want to purchase than I am about what’s going on just under the surface of my skin. What’s more disturbing is that what I often demand from others is what I’m just as reluctant to require of myself. Ouch! And if I’m honest (and I guess I should be if I’m writing about truth-telling), what’s even more unsettling is listening to others tell me the truth about me. Whoa! Now that’s a tough one! (Whew! too much for this brief posting)

But what David wrote in Psalm 51:6 reminds me that God wants me to be a truth teller on the inside first so that I can be a truth-teller on the outside: “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” (NIV) Where God wants us to start is being brutally honest with ourselves about ourselves. Truth telling about what’s going on inside sets the table for us to really begin understanding the deeper wisdom about who we are and where we struggle that leads to truthful living on the outside. And that changes everything–the way we treat others, our goals, our desires, our behaviors, our choices–everything.

So how about you? Does this have a “ring of truth” to it for you too? Any thoughts?